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[12 Jan 2010|10:25am]
i just remembered i had this!

i was skimming through my recent entries from the past couple years and its crazy how much shit i just completely forgot about... sometimes after im over something it doesnt even matter and i cant even remember how bad i felt, even looking back on all that nick shit i just think "silly kids"...........

Feb 12: "  I hate all boys everywhere. I really do. "

the next post i made....

Apr 8: " I may or may not be slightly in love with every boy i know. "

hahhaah . i crack myself up. i wish i had time to really keep a journal because its fun to jog my (VERY SHOT) long-term memory!

[08 Apr 2009|03:58pm]
i may or may not be slightly in love with every boy i know.. it always seems like when i'm looking for someone there's never anyone worth finding, but as soon as i completely immerse myself back into my life of schoolwork and big y and ling lab and chillin with the regulars on the regular and i get so scatterbrained that i lose my keys and my favorite shirt concurrently every other day, THAT is when silly boys spill their guts out and i find myself trippin over everything they say...

mmyy lliiffeee bbeee llliiikkeeeeeeeee.. . . .. .. .  eeny meeny miney mo... just kidding. but seriously though WTF

wwowzaa [05 Dec 2008|11:21pm]
"whatevaa its summa"
or, thanksgiving break.

i did some bad things, but you knew...

i thought it would only be fair to end things with pat... if i can't even keep my hands to myself over a one week break, what would a month and  a half look like?

i accidently fell asleep and finally got over there circa 2 am.. tried to explain why it was only logical to stop seeing each other... cut to this morning... when, surprisingly, all i wanna do is go back in time and STAY ASLEEP...

what happened to a simple fling?

[22 Feb 2008|05:58pm]
 snooooooooooooow day

not that it matters because my 11:00 was cancelled for the entire week anyway, so i wouldve only had one class at 1

which by the way now means my cog psych and soc exams will be back to back next friday, and tuesday is jarrets (HOPEFULLY LAST EVER) surgery at yale new haven so im going on wednesday to visit him... aka im gonna die on thurs

nick and i havnt talked since valentines day, when we talked for about 5 mins...

im in loooooooooooove

[17 Nov 2007|05:05pm]

i'm feeling almost exactly opposite of you [hb]. 

when i got home last night at 4 AM, my MOM was sleeping on the extra mattress on my floor. apparently my dad snores and she sleeps in there "to escape."

i went to unpack my laptop and JONS LAPTOP was on my desk clogging up all the space and outlets ...apparently they dont want to leave it in his room bc "the cop said its a bad idea for him to have a comp in his room"... yea ok so put it in the next room over, that'll really solve the problem. there are 3 other computers in this house, but for some reason EVERYONE feels the need to ALWAYS be on jons laptop in MYYYY room.

almost every single poster and picture is off of my walls, the only ones left are the 2 or 3 that are covering holes or chipped paint.

THE MESSY was sucked from my room in my last week of summer when i literally threw out everything i owned that wouldnt fit in one of those clear boxes deep in my closet;  i saved a drawerful of things from before highschool and a drawerful of things from 9th grade to fresh year of uconn..

the only little tiny messes here in my room now are the old JCpenny or target circulars that my mom accumulates in here, and random things that my brothers don't know what to do with so they just throw in here. 

i love my house and Monroe is Beautiful and i'm honeslty going to cry for days when someone buys it from us..
but right now i feel like ive just been diagnosed with a terminal disease and i'm just undergoing small pointless recoveries because i know what's ultimately going to happen..

my room feels like a skeleton. a vegetable. theres no soul left in these periwinkle walls :'(

[31 Oct 2007|01:46pm]
[ mood | curious ]

so i  have this paper due by 6 pm tonight where i have to analyze a dream i've had, figure out what it means in relation to my life, apply it to psych etc etc.

and i realized, after my dream last night, that i've had 3 dreams since ive been at school where i'm driving my car, i'm late for work, and my car suddenly breaks down but becomes some other object (i.e., a towel, the handlebars of a bike, etc) but i'm still trying to drive it because i don't want to get in trouble for being late (at this point i'm usually over 3 or 4 hours late).  also, the road in each dream was either ridiculously uphill, foreign to me, or closed and i had to take a detour.

i'm trying to write this paper on a totally different dream but all i keep thinking about is how fucking weird it is that i've had such similar dreams in the past few months.

and i'm looking up the symbols in the dream i'm writing about, and one of them is a road... and as you may guess.. "It usually symbolizes the journey that we take to achieve our goals. The road in the dream represents a road in your life. It could be the road to your heart, spirit, or mind. Consider the kind of road that your are on and try to see how it relates to your daily realities. If the road is straight, well-marked and lit, it may be reinforcement to you that you are moving in the right directions. If there are many obstacles and the road is very hard, consider your options"

idk what my subconscious is trying to tell me here.. but stop, because you're freaking me out.

[19 Sep 2007|02:20pm]
[ mood | productive ]

you know what's AWESOME?

...being a sophomore. <3

i lovelove towers "killa kell" and pasta bar and our corner room and salad toppers and living on the same floor as my bffs and the girls across the hall actually having the same sense of humor as us and rock of loove and WEEDS in WEST and horse barn hill and my psych TA and my leroy CA and finally having my major DECLARED and knowing what i want to do with my life ish and trips to keene and the blue/red lines and dave poss transferring here and seeing kids from russ-deez and illegally having my car here aaagain and not being able to afford wings or dpdough but buying it all the time anyway and trips to "town" ??? and ECSU and having bffs in alll my classes and the villagio and actually knowing how to get around and FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS and bouncing the fuck out of french cinema during the ten minute break tomorrow night, yes we are the sophomores we get a lot moooore........"

[07 Aug 2007|04:04pm]
well anyway

my dad got the job in jersey, its like on the border of nj and pa so theyre looking to move to doylestown (pa) bc 1. taxes are like half the price of monroe (in jersey theyre a lot more than monroe) and 2. we have some awesome cousins in that town and my mom wants them to be neighbors or something

this surgey was the best thing that has ever happened to my family. alone it honestly seems better than all the other 11 combined. every day hes getting taller and walking straighter and making more and more progress and it is so fuckign amazing i cant even begin to describe how happy i am for him. 

i start classes the 27th, i think were gonna move in on that saturday and as much as i dont want summer to end, i'm real pumped to meet the neiighborsssss and set up our HUGE ASS NEW ROOM ..its acutally probbaly only like 2 sq. ft. bigger than 311 russDEEEZZZ but thats good enough for me alright

<3 "nice parts of milford" <3

all you need. [26 Jul 2007|02:41am]
[ mood | tired ]

'whatevaa it's summa' '07: the noun

hb, nick, bert, anyone with the last name 'mcpadden', paul, dave, ben, tj, jelena, jenvav, schlaeg, kyle, easter/derrick/joe (all one person, of course), new stop and shop guy <3, my fam.

monroe, my backyard, nick's tyvek-y house, mr. macs', stop & shop, milford, six flags, nycccc, walnut "nutmeg" beach, tj's backyard, drivethru dunkin, monroe/newtown diner, hb's house, branford, cafe atlantique aka THE coffee shop, clinton, dirrrty devon, easton, cone zone, newtown deli AND catering, fruuncos, sal's of course, bumblefuck (aka the newtown area around where i live), stepney.

mocha chip gelato, the mark tom and travis show, 'free yourselves from this madness' overpass, new cellphone, modest mouse, sacajawea coins, my car, mozz, the 'MostFavoriteGomes/ LeastFavoriteGomes' game,  sgt. pepper'
s lonely hearts club band, the eagles greatest hits, my bed, toasted almost iced coffee, always smelling like french fries, tom petty's greatest hits, my bosses, scandals involving my bosses, e. von dahl killed the locals (and a very few songs from the matches' new cd), bounce that toooo deep, abbey road, definitely not fucking bug bites, queen's greatest hits of course, six flags season pass, the weekenders, mad headbands, summer movies; knocked up, pirates, chuck and larry, silver surfer, FUCK 1408..  the beatles [white album], getting lost, fucking laughing... all the way to hell, my crackpipe that is nowhere near as cool or expensive as travis, the facebook message thread i've had going with 'sloppy six' for about 2 months now (yea it's really long), forgetting to use my camera at all.

people, places, things.

[22 Apr 2007|08:24pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Living well is the best revenge.

that's all i have to say about that fucking scumbag worthless piece of shit.

[18 Mar 2007|07:22pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

jen & lea came up last night...

somehow $60 worth of alcohol ended up costing us $87... fuck you Ted's for being assholes and not being able to total shit

today i slept until 3:19, when jay & i decided to make the trip to the dining hall... we stayed there until 6:22.

last night was fun however, this morning definitely was not.

i am never drinking alcohol ever again.

::edit:: spring weekend concert = reel big fish, starting line, and DASHBOARD!

                                     i am pumpedddddd

[26 Feb 2007|12:52pm]
i dont know i'm just like not in a good mood.

i kinda cant wait until break becuase i'm just so sick of midterms and not having my car and wearing the same 3 shirts every day  and shitty food and studying and homework and reading and procrastinating and public bathrooms agh;. 

yea everyones watching the hills, hence why i'm updating this mother. [19 Feb 2007|10:07pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

i have $1.95 in my checking account after buying my brothers' bday presents, (which i couldnt even afford the $4 each to send them so i only mailed jarret's....) and i thought i was getting a paycheck last week but i guess i have to wait until this thurs... suckss.

i have a 6pg paper about the lamest thing EVER due on wednesday, as well as a midterm that i am ridiculously unprepared for...  i had classes and psych experiments straight from 10-5 today, got back to my room and passed the FUCK OUT until 8:11 omg. missed dinner so we went to the grab&go, and then got peer pressured into watching i love new york... so where do i start? do i attempt to study a bit tonight and do the essay tomorrow, or just do the whole essay tonight and no studying and then fuck myself tomorrow?

Poll #xxxx essay or study?
Open to: all, results viewable to: all

do my essay, or study for midterm?

stay on lj and facebook all night
go to the russlib and bang 'em both out

on a scale of one to awesome...


ok but seriously, jelena is the HOTTEST CROATIAN SENSATION I KNOW and i just can't help myself when she's in her pink robe and purple backpack singing whitney houston songs oOoOOoh bbaby babyyyy ..basically what youre sayin is, Judy Tan / Daniel Simmons... if i dont keep tappin that ass then you aint gonna let me pass? needless to say i passed with flyin colors...
disclaimer: she wanted to feel like an LJ celebrity.

also i have work tomorrow from noon-2, and then again from 9:30 to close (around midnight, maybe 12:30ish).. in the words of dave goldstein, "FAACKKK"

dude my family's going to florida tomorrow so while i'm hating myself walking uphill (both ways somehow) thorugh the mofucking snow and 1000000 mph winds, theyll be chilaxin in miami / west palm beach / ft lauderdale omg must be niceeeee.... 

.. nick came down from thurs- sunday and it was really good. really really good. he got me a pinata "el dorado the llamacorn" for vday and we smashed the shit out of it on sat night ahah good times. honeslty i'm glad he doesnt go here, because as much as i like seeing him, i would much rather miss him than be sick of him. 

endnote: HAS ANYONE SEEN RICH GOLDSTEIN'S FACEBOOK AND/OR MYSPACE PIC omg how freaking lame.  look PRETTY FAMILIAR if you as me. what. a. slut. get your own life and um stop manipulating the poooor mac's into keeping your job for getting paid to fuck danny in the storage room AHH

[31 Jan 2007|02:41pm]
[ mood | tired ]

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss - was drunk, unreciprocated by me, and NNH

2. I am listening to - step by step

3. I talk - too fast for people to keep up...

4. I love – college :)

5. I hate it when people – paint their nails and then come into my room... it smells so bad ugh

6. Love is - .

7. Marriage is – not as far as i think 

8. Fast food is - omggg so delicious

9. Somewhere - there is a delicious cheeseburger calling my name... 

10. I'll always be – a glasses-wearer

11. I have a secret crush on - the guy who works at stop & shop... ahahah  i guess that ones not so secret.

12. The last time I cried was because - i was watching a really sad movie ok.

13. My cell phone - is slightly defective just like every other electronic item that i own

14. When I wake up in the morning - i hate myslef for switching my schedule around

15. Before I go to bed - i continue to talk to jelena about stupid stuff and end up staying up way too late

16. Right now I am thinking about - how ridiculously hungry i am and how GREAT its going to be to go to big y after psych 

17. Babies are – scary

18. I go on myspace – rarely

19. Today I - skipped all my mornign classes to write a 6page paper that was due at 12

20. Tonight I will – not do my econ aplia assignment

22. Tomorrow I will be – annoyed to have to go to that 8am class

23. I really want to be - satisfied with some sort of delicious meal

24. The person most likely to repost this is - aha i dont care i'm just trying to get my mind off food.. . clearly it didnt really work

[15 Jan 2007|02:21am]
[ mood | tired ]

so last week i was pillow fighting with nick's 3-year-old sister and she won. and i say taht because teh result of this fight was my glasses breaking clean in half. my boss kind of melted them together enough so i could tape them together so if you saw me at all last week, i was lookin even cooler than normal.

but i got my new glasses yesterday, also i cut like a millino inches off of my hair. 

later that day i took my [15yearold] brother Jarret to stop & shop and he was bagging the stuff and the lady ringing us up goes to him "hunny you forgot to put your mom's bobby pins in the bag"


also, in this month when i was my brothers' age, i had been dating nick for an entire year.

honeslty i dont even think either of them have even had real gf's yet/? 

i also realized that my brother Jonathan is one of the only kids in his group of firends thats never been arrested. thats kind of scary to think about. \

i have sososoos much packing/laundry/food shopping still left to do... . aka ive done none of the above yet... its currently 2:28 in the morning, were leaving here at approx 1 pm . 

shitshit and instead of starting any of that, i'm updating my lj with useless fun family facts?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

i worked every single day last week. got overtime by a half hour.

im real excited to go back to school dont get me wrong but there are about a millino things from this break that i'm going to miss. including but not limited to THE macteen obvi, bonfires and foosin' at tj's, "smorkes", staying at nicks until 4 in the am consecutively, my parents offering to take me out to eat like every meal of every day, the monroe and newtown diners, my car, nicks little sister, drving around the backroads of hattertown doin sketchy things, IN THE MOOD / motherfucking stop & shop guy, the little heater in my room, being able to throw everything i own in a huge pile in the middle of my floor and not having to hear from jelena that i have to clean it up before people come over (.... <3 ),  the stupid tyvek that is nick's house, every victoriasecret in the entire state of CT, the motherfuckign milford mall, the list goes on and on....

i have 100% faith that uconn's still gonna be amazing this semester, just ..   .

i'm gonna miss him.

anytime you think you change your mind, anytime you want, jump back to me anytiimmee.... [06 Jan 2007|02:38pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

freshman year of high school, on this day...

nick & i start officially dating.

fast-forward four years...

in case you're wondering, we're good.

not amazing, but i can honestly say that i'm going to severely miss him when i go back to school.

he's been in VT since tuesday, and no matter how much fun i have with my other friends, it just feels like somethings missing without him.

foouuurrr years  .  we have been on and off for FOUR YEARS.

thats longer than his little sister has been alive.


[18 Dec 2006|01:17am]
[ mood | anxious ]

i've only been home since like 3:00 and already i miss school.

i guess it's because all of my friends are either still taking finals, in high school, or nick steinbrick / friends of nick steinbrick and dont want to hang out with me risking him getting mad. or whatever.

so i'm going to put up my fav pics of the semester... ill attempt cronilgaialgl order but that probs wont happen. 

[08 Oct 2006|12:24am]
[ mood | tired ]

so. my gyno .. recently got some bloodwork from my regular doctor .. and thinks theres soemthign wrong with me? so i have an appt for monday, but the only ride i could get back to monroe was saturday (today) so, i'm in town.

putting aside the fuckign scarieness of this visit ...

it's weird being in my room. like the last two times i came home, i was in my room for maybe 35 seconds total, but now i'm actually just chillin in here and its really really weird.

looking at all this crapppp that didnt make it to school with me ... actually the basis of my room right now consists of stuff from my brothers' rooms that they didnt want to get rid of but didnt feel like going all the way to the attic/basement to store it so i have like mad beanie babies and old boys' clothes chillin in the midddle of my floor

but besides that, all the trillions of sweatshirts that wouldn't fit in my closet at school .. . . FIELD HOCKEY UNIFORM . .. pictures of kyle/joe/austin from when i dressed them up like girls STILL on my wall . . . renmants of skateboard decks /wheels/bearings/trucks . . . .very large inflatbable spiderman on my ceiling. . . "Support Your Local Youth Group .. . BBYO" cans.... yarn . .. . nice jewlereyysrgf? where did that even come from? must be overflow from my mom's room. . . . signs from last year's senior night :)

monroe isn't that bad of a place to live.

but i like storrs.

unrelated, nick calls me when hes trashed and tells me that he misses me and he loves me and not to be with any other guys.

... a lot.

i've visited him twice and apparantly he's coming down sometime this week but. i kind of like this situation because it makes me legit miss him and honeslty excited to see him.

:SKDFJDKSFHDSKJHFDSLKJFHgfadsjfghd i'm a horrible, horrrible person but now i'm stuck and can't get out of what i've gotten myself into?
anyway. the two most favorite comments i've gotten in a while that explain my love of both monroe, and uconn:

"I think we accidently grew up, I'd much rather be working those burger joint jobs and going out to eat every night after our shifts; talking about how rude people can be and how much I could no longer stand ketchup. We were cool kids." - Bert Barns.

"ok ash here's how it is....
1. The Hanger 2 from wings...$20
2. Some things to get pebbed with...$15
3. A snack wrap....$1

A night spent with u in room 311...Priceless" - Jelena Ivic aka, my roommate for those of you who don't even know who i am right now

i'm ok you're ok lifes oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooook

[24 Aug 2006|03:39pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

soo way back when i asked my dad to come with me to pick out a laptop he was all "don't worry about it, i'll get it"

but apparently what that meant was, he was going to his friend so they could MAKE a laptop.

so. i will be without  one for the first like 2 weeks. 
but i'll have my cell and i swear i'll stop screaning calls so we can actually keep in touch.

i'll miisss youuuuuu :'(

 unless your name is emily abbabbateee or josh kantereradf or scott zucker or kyle sandor or danielle gigliteiteiee or bill schaederrere.. becuase in that case ILL SEE YOU  TOMMROROORWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOKFSDLFJdslkfjads flk;dhfcmvncvmcvndfdflawjoisdwelkjdsflasdkjfaiowefudslkfjsdfkldjfd fjasdfdf

Agrestic: the best of the bestic [19 Aug 2006|02:21am]
[ mood | tired ]

these past few nights ive been getting really freaked out. like REALLY freaked out.

it seems like everywhere i go, my friends are telling white lady stories or hannah carannah or . other various ghost stories.

and then i usually have to drive home and pass the white lady graveyard by country pizza and it fuckign FREAKKAKSSS me out man

also my phones been fraking out. last night between 1 and 2  i missed around 10 or 11 calls from 919888729314.. and it only actually rang about 3 or 4 of those times, the otehr times it jsut said i had a missed call.i was too scared to pick it up when it actually rang though. and then , when i tried to call it back, it said the number didnt exist (which i assumed, from the large amount of nubers) but hoensly. thats fruckigngin weird.

ive been sleeping with the light on every night since before i went to NJ . i CANT. WAIT. TO. HAVE. A. ROOMMATE.

i just can't take sleeping alone anymore :'(

i will be accepting of anyone willing to sleep with my ffrom now until FRIDAY when i LEAVE. FOR COLLEGE. YOU KNOW THAT THING.
note: i might even pay you.

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